Burying
by dgharron
Summary: This is a continuation of the Padre episode back in the first season. It was so full that there were a number of scenes that could have gone further...this is my attempt to do so
1. Burying

**AN/ I always wondered what happened at the end of Padre. I always thought there was a lot of unfinished business. This is an attempt to explore that.. I think there are a couple of more chapters in this.**

Sharon watched Brandon go into the house, she turned back to Callie, "Your invited too, you know."

"I know," Callie nodded, smiling, "I think I'll sit a while."

She inhaled, and stretched wiggling her back, stiff from sitting on the wooden bench. "Its nice here, the back yard."

Sharon stood on the porch, her arms wrapped around her body. She looked distractedly off into the yard dark beyond Callie . " Chilly," Sharon commented after a bit. And then added, like she was on a 10 second delay. "Peaceful."

"Yeah," agreed Callie, surprised at just how relaxed she was and how good she felt, sitting on the bench, half her body in shadow her torso illuminated gold in the yellow porch light. She was certainly more comfortable outside than in the house so busy with friends and family. It was outside that she could find the focus and strength to tell Brandon she needed more than just him. To say clearly that she wanted it all.

She realized that Sharon must have sensed something, as the woman shifted her gaze and peered at Callie, questioning "You Ok, doll."

"I am said, Callie," softly. Pleased that Sharon would care. She put a small smile on her face hoping to reassure the older woman that the drama of the funeral and her meltdown over misplacing her mom's necklace was behind her. She hated the idea of being an unstable teenager...what was the psychological term, 'labile'. She glanced up, getting an eyeful of the old , garish, plaid sport-coat Sharon had draped around her slight body. The coat had to be 5 sizes too big. Her black funeral dress peaked out beneath the hem of the coat.

"Don't they hurt, the shoes," said Callie, eyeing Sharon's 3 inch spiked black heals.

Sharon glanced down at her feet, "Well I can't let the side down, can I. Besides its what women of my generation were raised to do." She smiled, "Wear heels and go to church."

Callie smiled, and the more she looked at Sharon's get-up, the more her smile widened. Truth was, in the spikes and coat, she looked more like a child playing dress up than a bereaved widow and grandma. Callie wished she had her camera, it was a good image for the family, jaunty discordant and loving, all at once.

She caught herself anticipating sharing it with Stef, and a wave of loss hit her it was an overpowering physical sensation, for brief moment her face flushed with panic, she shut her eyes and tried to calm herself.

God how she craved it, from brushing her teeth in the morning standing next to whatever brother or sister were in line, to the big overstuffed leather couches in living room. She needed every single maddening, demanding and interfering bit.

Propelled like an angel had just kicked her in the bottom, she hopped off the bench and walked quickly to the woman opening her arms and embracing her. It was a thank you for being here and I am so sorry for your loss hug. It felt right and good, and when she tried to let go she couldn't. It was like she was hanging on for her life. As if Sharon's thin body was the fine line between happiness and the turmoil of the past.

Her breath became halting, as she tried, unsuccessfully to choke off a sob." Sharon tightened her hold and she relaxed into it, the women's hugs were as reassuring as Stef's. "Oh hon, it will be fine," Sharon said softly, "It will be fine." As Callie quieted Sharon guided the girl back to the bench. She sat down next to her.

Callie, took a swipe at her nose with her hand and rubbed the moisture off her eyes, "I'm sorry its been a lot," Sharon pursed her lips and looked at her thoughtfully. Callie found the pause uncomfortable but couldn't will herself to explain, not yet. Sharon watched her struggle and broke the silence with a neutral, "It's hard for everyone." She patted her knee and surprised Callie leaning her head toward her.

"Don't you go worry yourself about Frank," she said in a quiet conspiratorial voice. "I don't think he found today hard. All he had to do was lay there and ignore people," She stretched out straight on the bench and let her head roll slack to the side.

Callie's eyed widened, almost shocked by the pantomime and she tried to suppress a giggle, yet after a bit, the morbidity of the joke soured for her and her panic return.

"Oh babe," Sharon said, her eyes filled with sadness and concern.

" Lean into your gram-ma. You mind me calling myself that?" She reached for her and pulled her close.

Callie gave a small smile, and put her head on her shoulder, " Its fine," She said quietly.

They sat there for a moment, together, she felt the women's strong fingers combing through her hair.

"Did I ever tell you how I met Frank?" Sharon's voice was warm and melodic. Callie felt Sharon's cheek resting lightly against her head. Callie shook her head, encouraging her to continue not wanting to break the spell of intimacy with her voice . "He had this business , well really it was just him and his dog, but he would go to people's houses and put stain guard on their couches."

Callie harrumphed. Sharon stopped running her hand through her hair and said, "Yeah, really i'm not kidding, I'm not making this up." She raised a hand. "Swear to god."

" Now a days, people throw things out, everyone is afraid of bed bugs... or worse." She waved her free hand dismissively, "But back then, people would keep things." She paused and looked down at Callie stroking her hair. "Anyways, I found him in the Yellow pages and hired him to put stain guard on my couch. Well, he walked in the door with that straight forward, 'I can take care of your problem' attitude." Adding after a pause "Boy did he looked good in that tight clean uniform." she shook her head slightly. "That was it for me. That's how I got my husband, through the Yellow pages."

She paused " Three weeks after getting my couches protected," She mimicked the quick assent of a jet taking off with her arm "we're off to Vegas to get married." Adding ruefully, " Four weeks later and the business was bankrupt. "

"We had all kinds of weird stops and starts, all types of jobs. He even worked selling musical instruments, I loved that, musician's running in and out of the apartment. Anyways," she continued, "the music thing just didn't work out, not for Frank."

"I thought he should join a band, relax have fun, but he wasn't comfortable playing dive bars. In fact he said all the musician's told him he acted like a cop. I don't know maybe that's where he got the idea."

She looked and smiled at Callie, then laughed. "Well you don't need to hear this do you, some old lady reminiscing."

" It's not boring," She reached out her hand gripping Sharon's fore arm in emphasis. "You've actually done things. Been married and had jobs. Its stuff i'd like to know, sort of how," her voice trailed off she looked down at her feet but then she lifted her head , swallowed and said "how mom became mom." Callie felt her face get hot, it didn't feel good, having to make a conscious decision to call someone your mother, even if you loved them.

If Sharon thought her wording remarkable she didn't show it and just plowed ahead, talking as much to herself as Callie, " It wasn't a straight path. It never is." She sighed, paused and sighed again, adding, "Its not going to be for you either kiddo. You try things, some work out, some don't. You can think that you know but you never really do. And no matter what," she tapped the girl lightly on the nose, " you can't blame yourself, if things don't work. "

"I mean look at you hon," She turned toward her, facing full on touching her back. "Look at you, 6 months ago you were lost in that Chula-whatsa place and now you got so many people trying to claim you as a relative you have to beat them off with a club." She punctuated her words by waiving a clenched fist in the air like she was knocking on some heavenly door.

Callie sat-up straight, stiff, her hands in her lap. She clenched and then relaxed her fingers. 3 months ago she would have bristled at the Juvie reference, she hated when people thought of her as Juvie girl. Now, she at least tried to think of it as simply part of her journey. A place where she'd been. Yet there were still too many mornings at 4 am she would find her self wide awake cycling through her past, desperately seeking a silver lining. Could she ask Sharon, she wondered, "Is it too late?" she asked tentatively.

Sharon paused started to respond, but then looked at Callie. One glance from Sharon, told Callie that the wetness she felt on rim at her eye's were visible. The women stroked her back and said softly, " Too late for what, hon"

Callie opened and then shut her mouth. For a moment no words came out she felt as if all the breath had been squeezed out of her.

She blurted out. " I want to come home." She bit her lip and groaned in frustration, throwing her self against the back of the bench. She looked up at the inky black sky, the stars hidden by trees and the dull perpetual ambient light of San Diego.

Mooney eyed Brandon had forced her to take a side earlier, but that was different that was partly for his sake and to just keep him at bay. But now the whole plan was real, And when she spoke, her words sounded empty and fanciful, the dreams of a jerky, clueless foster kid. She stared at the sky focusing on the blank darkness above her and the trees at the end of the garden indistinct and blurred like silhouettes

"I want to move back in." she shook her head slowly from side to side, like it was an unobtainable wish. " I want the people who's wedding I ruined to take me back," She shut her eyes trying to remember the good feelings and encouragement she got from the girls. 'You got people,' they told her bitterly. Yet all she could think of now was how she had failed those people. It was like there was a ball of ice in her stomach, the same feeling of self loathing that drove her to run away.

" They drove all night to New Mexico on their honeymoon, just to keep me safe and when they caught up with me. I ran again, crawled out a bathroom window. I chose a random trucker, over them" She wheeled on the woman. "Nice huh, such an amazing girl," she said sarcastically.

She was greeted with a bemused look. "I was there Callie serving pancakes in the morning." Sharon sighed and rubbed her eye's. "You left quite a mess behind you," she said in a bland matter of fact voice.

"Too much has happened." Callie replied. " There is no trust, I'm not sure they really want me around. Whole days go by and I can't even think about them or the house, I'm so so sorry for what I did to them."

She looked down. "The first family day at GU, I was so frightened I spent the morning throwing up in the bathroom."

Sharon, gave her a small smile, " I don't know anything about that honey. What I do know is this, when you left I never saw two people crazier with grief or worry. And then when you started to have some success at that girls place of your 's, Stef called me and her voice sounded so proud and happy, it was like she was getting married to Lena all over again. Do they want you still? Why more than life itself."

Callie saw tears in the women's eyes, and felt tears in her own too.

"For a bunch of very good reasons they decided that they're your folks, and that's that honey. If you ran away to the moon, they would find a rocket and come after you," Her voice became croaky. "So don't, ok, don't you ever do that again" her voice low and vehement, almost angry. She grabbed her arm tight and held it. Callie could feel a slight tremor in Sharon and watched her breathe in and out a couple of times. She relaxed and gave her a small wan smile "Don't cause rocket fuel is really expensive."

Callie felt hot tears running down her cheek, " I'm going to screw it up, " she muttered. "hurt them more."

She felt Sharon's arm slowly reach around her shoulder and pull her head back in and down to her lap, She lay there resting, feeling Sharon's hand patting her back.

They sat together, quiet, Callie looking out at the world sideways from Sharon's lap. Her cheek was pressed against the knit fabric of Sharon's dress which was moist from her tears. She heard the older woman sigh a couple times

" I suppose you will screw it up " she said sadly. "Everyone does."

"People hurt the people they love," She bent down and kissed her ear. Callie laid still on her lap, she heard a small sniffle, " God knows, I did."

And she added in a tone that was so full of sorrow it tore at Callie, "For Frank, the funeral was easy." Sharon's hands usually busy with activity lay still on Callie's head, "It was easy because my divorce killed him."


	2. Rising

**AN/ Thank you so much for your interest. Sorry for the delay, I am taking classes working...the usual. This next part is a bit different but I think it works, hopefully people like it.**

Callie rested her head on Sharon's lap, studying the yard, taking mental photographs of the different flowers and plants for later when she returned to Girls United. Her eyes fell on the two olive green wheeled bins the family used for recycling and garbage. It reminded her that next week she'd be paired with Rebekah cleaning bins while trying to dodge the girl's insults . Callie realized it was mostly about Rebekah's own unhappiness with herself, but she still hated being the target. It took all her self control not to lash back. And it made a tedious job unpleasant.

From that unhappy thought her mind started skittering across what she dismissively called her own "greatest hits," all the bad and stupid things she had done that kept coming back haunting her from time to time. She looked at the bins again and realized it was there at the wedding that she had kissed Brandon and nearly lost Jude. She tried breathing slowly, trying to master the frozen feeling that rose from her gut as she thought of all the damage she did. So stupid, she thought wishing she could just bury the past once and for all. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"Shit, she heard Sharon exclaim, " I don't need this." Alarmed Callie looked up.

"Frank," Callie realized with shock, she shut her eyes and opened them again but there he was, alive and as full of movement as anyone else in the house. He was dressed just like Frank too, baggie Bermuda shorts and a too large open collar polo shirt. For some reason he seemed to have really big toes, almost like clown feet, that stuck out of the sandals . The shoes looked scuffed and his feet looked a little dirty, he leaned against the fence, casually both arms crossed against his chest.

This is a weird dream Callie thought but it got even stranger as the ghost spoke amicably, "Hey Sharon," there was no menace in his voice but she could feel Sharon tense "I was in the neighborhood, so I stopped by. He swiveled his head looking around the garden, "I never really spent a lot of time here," he paused sniffing the night air. "Its sort of nice."

He rested his head on his right shoulder so it was parallel with Callie whose head was still sideways on Sharon's lap, " Good to see you Callie, everything okay with you." Callie felt her stomach roil and go nauseous

He straightened his head and said " Sharon, do you mind if I say a few things about the divorce." She heard Sharon swallow, and say carefully, like she was playing with dynamite "Oh-kay."

He paused, searching for words. " For me it was a wake-up call, it hurt plenty but... it was, I don't know ...necessary. It made me want to take a good hard look at myself - the way I treated people."

He stopped talking, scratched his back against a fence post, and added "When I was young, I thought I needed to be tough and hard, I thought standards were important. With the divorce and well with Stef, you know, I saw I was mostly just being rigid and cruel . It took a while, but yeah by the end."

He paused and puckered his mouth in a frown, "I'm sorry about that Sharon. It caused a lot of pain for you and Stef. I thought it was helping," he shook his head a couple of times from side to side," It just made everything worse."

She could feel Frank's remorse as clearly as she could feel the chill night air. It was like his loneliness and sorrow was plugging straight into her spine. The words were so plaintive, she wanted to get up and give the man a hug, but she felt frozen on her lap.

She felt Sharon's body start to relax. " You." Her voice quivered. "came back to apologize?"

"Well uhm," he stalled , "I didn't want" and mumbled something under his breath Callie couldn't make out and then, said clearly. "Yeah I guess so." He nodded his head.

Sharon swallowed, and blew out "Well I'll be."

Callie couldn't see Sharon but the older woman's voice become soft and light. "Thank you." She said, adding gently," You always had a thoughtful side."

She laughed, almost flirting. "Its one of the reasons I married you."

He shifted awkwardly, and glanced away looking over the fence studying the street in front with a frown. Then turned and smiled at her, " So really, there was good that came out of the divorce."

He paused and looked at her a little puzzled. " You know I'm not sure if you can say I came back, I'm not sure where I've been. "

"I was sitting watching USC stink up the place and I got this blinding pain. Ooh it hurt, and then, I saw my brother up ahead, waiting for me, in I guess you could call it a tunnel of light and I just started walking toward him. Well the next thing I knew I was on your street and thought I'd stop in on Stef."

He paused, looking anxiously toward the front yard, " I really feel like I need to see Stef, to speak to her," he said, adding almost to himself , "I did stop to talk to her, but she was busy in the car with Lena." Callie was surprised to see him blush. "I didn't want to interrupt."

Sharon giggled, "I guess some things don't change, do they Frank,"

He inhaled and made an exasperated sound " Come on Sharon, They were uh, he coughed, "being affectionate" Sharon snorted.

They're was a pause Callie wanted to move and stretch, but she felt that if she did she would break the mood. She watched Frank look silently toward them, he bit a knuckle, grimaced and said almost like he was just passing the time enjoying the conversation..

"Did you know Lena wants a baby!"

At that point the back screen door started to open and Callie heard high heels click on the patio slates. She tried to twist her head and look to see who was coming, but couldn't and then looked back towards Frank.

He waved at them, winked and was no more."

"Sharon have you seen," Lena stopped in mid sentence as she stepped from the porch into the yard, seeing Callie laying with her head on Sharon's lap. "Callie you okay?" she said. The worry in her voice, which four months ago would have annoyed or seemed false, now stabbed at her heart. She lifted her head off Sharon's left, "I'm OK Lena, I think I fell asleep," Lena walked further toward them.

Peering hard at Callie, "Gosh Callie you look a little pale," Callie rubbed her eyes.

"It's been quite a day," She looked at Lena and smiled.

" I just had this crazy dream," She looked at Sharon, "Frank was in it."

"Oh my," said Sharon.

"You were too." She smiled at Sharon.

"Oh my," Sharon repeated, staring vacantly in the direction of the bins.

" But it was good, really," Callie laughed. "He was friendly, sort of comforting, I don't know, it left me feeling warm and optimistic, that sometimes, out of really sad things good can happen." She turned to Sharon, "that's what he said about the divorce, that it helped him."

Lena stood still, staring at the girl. Callie realized that she probably wasn't use to her sharing her thoughts and feelings like this, but she seemed to welcome it and it made Callie's heart rise, that they might have confidences together, this felt easy, right. You should be able to talk about dreams or nightmares with your mom,.

Lena smiled at her, "That is a nice message," She laughed a little "Especially from a ghost."

Callie smiled back, "Wow it was so vivid."

She scratched behind her neck and turned to turned to Lena, "He said you wanted a baby," she laughed with a small chuckle. "Crazy huh."

She felt Sharon recoil almost like she had been slapped. Callie gave her a quick puzzled glance and looked at Lena, who also looked a little shocked.

"I'm sorry," I didn't mean to get personal." she added fearing that she had crossed a line.

"No worries, I enjoy hearing your dreams," Lena paused, smiling. She was actually blushing and seemed flattered. " Would you want us to have a baby?" She inquired, looking intently at Callie

The idea startled Callie , "I hadn't thought of it, but why not?"

Lena looked at her, "Why not?" she echoed, with a smile.

Callie got the sense that Lena really liked the idea, She also noticed that her shirt was miss-buttoned, and partially sticking out of her pants, like she had gotten dressed in a hurry. " What a strange dream," she repeated, looking at Lena for some reassurance. Lena didn't say anything, but ran her hands through her hair drew it into a bob and in one elegant motion folded it onto the top of her head.

She walked over and sat down next to Callie, her shoulder touching Callie. The thin fabric of Lena's blouse fell against Callie's arm. Lena breathed out and placed a hand on Callie's knee. " Hey I just got a call from Rita." Callie started in alarm, " Its ok." Lena added quickly, smiling at her, reassuring her. "Don't worry. she said Michelle can't make it out tonight to pick you up."

She smiled shyly at Callie and continued "Rather than put you in a taxi, I told her that its OK if you sleep here tonight. Stef or I can take you back around noon. Are you okay with that? I thought maybe you would enjoy getting to spend more time with Jude"

Callie felt a little like the cat that ate the canary, " Wow ,yeah, I was sort of dreading going back tonight. I'm on garbage bins with Rebekah,"

She caught herself, "but your OK with that right? It's not a problem," Lena smiled at her, " just follow the rules right," Callie nodded, grinning "follow the yellow brick road!"

Lena snorted," Okay!, here call Rita, let her know what your doing." She handed Callie, her phone, "I'm going to go inside. "You should all come in, you look cold." Sharon got up with her but Callie sat on the bench. "I'll call from here."

Lena shrugged, "OK," sure suit yourself."

As the women headed in, Callie picked-up the phone, she framed a photo of the climbing tree and then feeling a little silly looked around half expecting to see a ghost.

She had her back to the house when she heard quick steps behind her, gasping in surprise she turned around to see Jude. "Oh there you are, he said smiling, Wow, you look like you've,"

Callie smiled wanly at him and raised her eyebrows, "seen a ghost."


	3. remembering

**AN/Thanks for the interest. I'm curious to get some feedback as to whether people are interested in seeing more of Frank in this story or whether it is too out there.**

Jude came over and sat down next to her. He turned to her and raised and eyebrow. "Was it the ghost of Christmas past or future."

Callie snorted, she pulled her feet up and tucked them underneath her butt and scrunched close to Jude. "I guess Mr. Scrooge, it was future." She said with a smile,

Jude grimaced. "Ugh,those can be pretty nasty."

"Since when do you worry about the future? This one was actually pretty friendly," she laughed softly under her breath, rubbing his hand. "If you must know."

They sat silently together for a while and then he said, looking down at her hands.

"You know Lena found my food stash,"

"You kept a food stash?...Here?" She said a little alarmed

He sighed "Ants got all over it."

"Ooh," she said with empathy, "That doesn't sound good."

Jude sighed and shook his head. "It was pretty embarrassing cause Jesus saw it." He laughed nervously, shutting his eyes leaning back on the bench, like he was trying to forget the scene. "He started jumping up and down and screaming, as if he'd never seen an ant before." he looked at her glumly.

"Imagine what he would have done if it had been rats?"

Callie felt her stomach tense at the thought of rats, and looked at him. "Don't Jude." She warned her voice sharp, her anger creeping into it. She saw a flash of anger in his eyes in response to her tone, and tried to back off.. She couldn't fault him for being careful.

She rubbed his thigh with her hand. " It's not a good ghost. It won't help us here" She tried to explain a little lamely. She shivered remembering going to sleep in one foster home and being awoken by a rat scurrying across the room. And recalled how they both slept with the light on continually for two months and even started wearing shoes to bed

He looked at her scrunching up his face.

"What made them pull us from there anyway?" He asked.

" I don't know, really, I don't like to think about it, Jude, its creepy,"

They paused Callie thinking about the ramshackle house near the army base

Jude words snapped her back into the present

" I remember now, one of the other foster kids got bit and went to the school nurse, It was Reubin right?" She shrugged her shoulders trying to act like it wasn't an important memory. He continued "You remember him, he was a bed wetter."

" Forget it Jude," she pleaded. "Its done, your going to be adopted, if a rat ever shows up here...it's not going to happen." She dismissed it.

He looked at her, " I know but.. anyways the ants, Lena comes up and follows them to my food."

"Was it under your bed," said Callie grimacing .

Jude nodded.

"Lena was pretty angry."

"Yeah, she is sort of house proud," agreed Callie

He smiled.

" But what was awful was how sad she got. You know how she is, she gets quiet, and .. well it made me feel bad, really bad, like I had failed her or that I made her feel like she had failed me, like I don't trust her the way I should." He sighed. " I didn't start crying or anything, but I but it felt really icky, like I didn't deserve to be here,"

He paused. Kicking his heels on the gravel path

"The happy faces here are real, Callie, But they don't always fit me, you know what I mean,"

She was quiet watching him, one arm wrapped around his shoulder the other hand drawing pensive circles on her thigh. Nodding yeah, She paused and looked at him, tears in her eyes, " I'm so sorry I left you alone Jude. Every single day I miss you."

She was crying now, not sobbing but tears were flowing down her face and she didn't care or bother to wipe them away, Tonight, for this ,Jude could see her tears. After all, the tears fell for him, as well as for herself.

"You know I want to come back right." There it is she thought, she said it, plain and bold

" He looked at her, Really, You sure?"

"Oh Jude i want to be with you, with everyone. I want parents and brother sisters and grandparents. I want to belong somewhere Jude. And I'm hoping that they are people who can understand that we're not always going to have happy faces."

" But Callie to be on your own...it was always sort of a dream. You're just going to give it up? When you're so close?"

"Real dreams are about hope Jude, this one wasn't, I don't know, It was mostly about despair."

"And Brandon," he looked back at the house. They both could here a rush of notes, softened by the distance but resounding hard and with energy and passion.,

Callie laughed, "Well he always has his piano,"

He looked at her, "It won't be easy Callie,"

"A lot of Ghosts huh" she looked at him watching his reaction carefully. Not sure whether he really thought it was a good idea.

"Yeah he smiled. "But they're ours, not theirs.".

She reached out and hugged him squeezing him tight to her chest, her head buried in his hair smelling the shampoo, it flashed through her mind that in the last six hours she had had more physical contact and intimacy than she had in three months at Girl's United.

She missed it terribly, it made her heart ache, but it scared her too, like the sound of a rat scurrying through the night.

"I think they have plenty of their own ghost's Jude," she said, hoping it was true.

XXXXXXXX

Frank sat in the tree at the back on the house watching the Jacob kids. His heart went out to them, having to live with rats, he reflected, that was just wrong. He was also trying to understand what the hell he was doing here. He figured that he was probably even more surprised with his appearance on the scene then Sharon or Callie.

He knew that he had changed, certainly something had happened. He had no hunger or thirst, yet he could feel the cool chill of the night air and smell the sharp aromatics of the Ponderosa pine on whose branch he lightly sat, his feet dangling 6 feet above the ground.

Things could be a lot worse he thought, but it seemed a little strange, that death was turning out to be just as much as a mystery as life. And he felt certain there was something he had to do, apologizing to Sharron was good, but ,he scratched his head, he had this feeling that he needed to tell Stephanie something.

Maybe he could just talk to Lena he reflected, she was always the more even keeled, though, truth be told he was a little intimidated by her education and self possession. He, however, didn't seem to irritate her the way he did his daughter.

He wondered if maybe, he was here to help the kids, lord knows he had no involvement with them, previously. Having only met them for the first time at the hospital when Stef had been shot. But those two seemed to be moving in a good direction. Does Stef not want the girl back? He couldn't imagine. Maybe he thought he was here to scare some sense into Brandon. He listened to the Piano notes roll through the house, Wo that kid's got good chops, he thought, with a smile.

He realized how happy he was to be here at the house and see the family, they were a good bunch of people. He looked on the two children still talking and laughing and holding each and he felt himself have to swallow back, what, do real ghost's cry? Yet here he was feeling like bawling like a baby because after 15 years and a heart attack he still couldn't see a bridge to his daughter.


	4. Recalling

AN: **Sorry this took so long, there are three more chapters planned and they should come quicker. Hopefully people are still interested (even after reading this!). This is a little transitional and it depends on something that happened in the pilot. Read, comment, review...hopefully enjoy.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Jude opened the back door, he turned to Callie and smiled as she reached out to hold the door. He walked into the kitchen and then she entered and shut the door. She turned to Sharon, who was thumbing through a magazine, a glass of white wine perched on the table.

"Have you seen Stef and Lena?"

She looked up from the magazine, "You mean , your mom's?" drawling out the last word .

Callie paused, started to say something and then paused again.

Sharon gave her a smile.

"No I haven't," she said gently. "Listening to Brandon, I guess."

Callie nodded, "Well," and motioned toward the den with her head, "I guess I'll go there. You want to join us."

"No I'm happy here, you go."

"Uhm," Callie looked at Sharon,

"Yes?" Sharon looked up at her. Putting down the magazine giving Callie her full attention.

"Uhm,... did you... uh, say anything to them?"

"No" and then after a pause, "Is there something you'd like me to say, love?"

Callie paused her heart giving a small lurch, the ghost of Stef echoed in the phrasing, "Uh no, I think I need to talk to them."

"We're on your side sweets."

Callie nodded her head, turned to catch up with Jude,who was standing by the piano,

"Everyone is," Sharon said it so softly, and it landed like a butterfly kiss.

Callie looked over the room where the family normally gathered for movies, she could almost smell the popcorn. Mike sat sprawled out on the couch half sitting, half laying, she thought briefly of her dad and the waste of alcohol. Mariana was sunk into the over stuffed chair. She intently watched Brandon, with Jesus perched by her side on the chair's arm, tapping his feet impatiently as he scrolled through his phone.

Brandon moved into a blues tune. She couldn't tell whether he was improvising or playing from memory. Head bowed over the keyboard, hair flopping over his forehead he looked intently at his hand, his tongue tucked into his cheek as he focused on the notes.

A smile crossed her lips, he was playing road house music, so incongruous in the homey little craftsman , but somehow, as he ripped discordant high notes into the deep fabric of a bluesy bass line, it worked. Some how he was able to capture the 3 am feeling of smoke and darkness. The sound of cash jingling on an empty late night bus.

He looked up at her, smiled, face all lips and teeth glad to see her, glad to play for her. And boom, time and space telescoped together till there was only Brandon and her in the room. He again became that magical boy; the one who by standing by her, had given her the strength to stand-up for herself.

It made her heart ache and question everything. Her dream, her plan of family for all. There was a premonition in her gut, she came back, he would leave. She could hear the loneliness and anger in each chord he was hammering out. What would be the use of that? Is that really an option that Stef and Lena would willingly choose? Creating room for her by pushing him out. How was that fair? No matter what he had done, and she knew he wasn't innocent, he didn't deserve that.

Brandon just played on, his left hand toyed with and stretched the beat but somehow always stayed true to the rhythm like there was some perfect clock tick-tocking forever in his head and his heart. She felt herself pulled in, drawn in by the sound of the music, an almost irresistible gravitational force,

As she stood over him, she could smell the night air still on his clothes. I can't do this she thought, I can't live here. She knew she couldn't manage on her own, not well anyways. Yet standing near him now, she could only think of the feel of his shirt, the muscles moving under his skin. it It was impossible to hold Brandon, the music, Stef and the whole damn house in her mind all at the same time. One pushed out the other.

She stood with one arm around Jude, wanting to drape her other over Brandon.

Mariana sidled up to her, joining her leaning over the piano, shoulder to shoulder with her,wrapping her hand in her own. "Our big bro, he's such a prig, but god can he play."

Without breaking pace Brandon turned to look at both of them and stuck out his tongue.

Mariana snorted, "Hey Callie watch what I taught Jude."

She reached behind Callie to grab Jude's hand, who protested. Callie smiled, wondering for a second whether Jude's stubbornness would win out.

"C'mon Jude, live big!" she said, and started to count out swing steps.

"Rock step-step, Rock Step-step," she counted, pulling the boy into the room. He glanced back at Callie while shuffling after Mariana . She paused, when they got to the center caught the rhythm and started swinging Jude's arm as she moved, pulling him along as she chanted the steps. After a bit she lifted his hand over his head and twisting outward she rocked back. He followed letting the momentum pull him fully around.

" Keep your feet moving," she encouraged spinning him back the other way.

Brandon picked up the pace and played loudly, accentuating the rocking down beat.,

Mariana winked at Callie, who stood with her mouth open, her heart in her throat , her brothers laughter tinkling in her ear as he circled around Mariana,gliding along, smoothly following Mariana's lead into another spin. Callie hooted approval, clapping with delight as he turned again, this time leaving room for Mariana to spin under his arm and then let Mariana pull him back towards her. It felt so right watching him with the others. She could imagine doing this forever, be normal.

Mariana moved to get rid of a shoe, kicking it off as she danced, it went flying barely missing Jesus' head, thumping against the window. "Mariana your crazy, " he scoffed.

He looked at Callie shaking his head, she smiled in sympathy, "They're insane, right." he said, pushing-off the arm of the chair, walking toward the Piano. Callie laughed, nervously.

"You got extra space in that apartment of yours?"

Callie smiled at him, and shrugged. What was she going to say, that she would trade a life of empty apartments for being able to dance with this family, to kick-off her shoes and spin her brother like a top.

Instead she shrugged her shoulders, cool and distant, that was her thing, right.

"Is it OK to dance at a funeral?" She asked, sounding dorky to herself, like a little kid.

He stretched his arms out wide "Maybe its what your supposed to do," Callie gave him a look of mock horror.

"Wait...is this a trap."

"Well Mari isn't the only one who can move."

"Seriously?" She looked at him laughing.

"C'mon live big, right." He walked out toward the room.

"Do you know what your doing," she said, following him. He looked at her steady eyed, taking her hand, "Of course. You doubt me?" He put his hand on his waist and started to sway his hips, "I'm a natural."

Callie snorted "Yeah ," she shook her head laughing,"

" Hey respect the man, this is ," he reached for a word, "serious." She looked at him, and knew he sort of meant it..

He reached for her hand lightly pulling her, leading her as he rocked. Callie looked at him as he swayed. She could tell he wasn't really dancing to any formal steps, but he moved lightly and well in rhythm to the music. It looked good, "This frigging lucky family." she thought and followed him as best she could.

Brandon played on and the kids danced, Mariana and Jude picking up speed as they repeated swings and turns. Jesus just moving freely in time to the music, Callie grinning as she tried as best she could to keep up. Jesus smiled at her, putting her at ease, giving her a sweet smile. "Dance like no one is watching," he said, encouragingly, his body moved with the music, like liquid.

It was harder for Callie to just move naturally, her thoughts kept darting through the events of the day; she was still shaken by how quickly her feelings for Brandon rose to the surface. It flashed though her mind that this, maybe, would be a last dance. Is that what Jesus thought? She shut her eyes as much to stop her thoughts as to let her feet feel the music, when she opened them she saw a grinning Jesus, his smile and exuberance giving her permission to do ...whatever.

He tugged with his hand pulling Callie, she moved forward towards him, wanting to work with him, trusting that he had some type of plan. Mariana continued twirling around with Jude, when he came round Callie hit his heel as she moved forward, tripping a bit but it was ok, Jesus was there and he was able to steady her.

But it took him off his stride and when he stepped back he hit Mikes feet and tumbled over.

" Oh, Shit," Jesus said as he landed with a thump on the floor, off balance Callie collapsed on top of him.

Brandon stopped playing to turn around and see the commotion. Staring at the two in a heap on the floor.

"Oh my god," said Mariana , "Callie, you OK."

Jesus started laughing, and quickly moved into a sitting position looking at Callie who was sprawled on the floor next to him.

"You OK," he said, trying to stifle his laugh.

"Ow," said Callie, moving to her knees, rubbing an elbow. She looked at Jesus and then over at Mariana's concerned face and couldn't help but giggle.

"You should have seen your face, it looked like you were having a heart attack," said Jesus, grinning at her.

"Well yeah, you said you knew what your doing."

" I do," he protested. "I didn't realize Mike's size 15 feet would be in the middle of the dance floor."

Jesus sat on the floor, his arms casually wrapped around his knees. This time with real concern he looked at Callie, "Seriously are you hurt."

"No,"she said, shaking her head.

"Just my pride."

"Welcome to my life," he said, extending an open hand. She took it lightly and shook,

nodding sympathetically.

He looked at her, "Family right?"

Callie looked at him questioningly.

"Your going along great and then boom your on the floor. Looking like a clown."

He looked at her appraising, his deep brown eyes calm and steady. "You got to learn to live with it, right, the ups and downs."

"It sorts itself out." He slapped her lightly on the shoulder.

Jude dropped down on the floor next to her .

"Sorry," he said, "But you're OK, right?"

"Yeah I'm good." She said, adding "You looked great, buddy," wondering what else she had missed when away.

Mariana sat down on her knees facing her.

"That was pretty good."

They all hooted at her.

"No really, we should dance together more often. "

There was an awkward pause.

"Er well yeah," Callie said.

She looked up and caught Brandon, staring at her, his face blank, she tried to but couldn't imagine what he was thinking.

He broke the gaze and looked over at Stef and Lena who were standing in the doorway to the hall.

"Hey mom shouted Jude, Mariana was teaching us to dance."

Stef looked from kid to kid sprawled on the floor, reached over and picked up a shoe that was lying on the top of the couch.

"I can see it was real successful."

Lena standing next to Stef, hand links, smiled you know its getting late, just about time for bed.

Jude got up first. "Okay," he said and moved away followed by Jesus and Mariana.

Brandon hopped off the bench stepped towards Callie, he offered his hand and let her pull herself up. She got to her feet, Lena stopped her.

"Did you reach Rita?"

Callie handed the phone to her, "Yeah, Rita said I can come back any time before 5 pm." Lena nodded.

Stef grabbed at Mariana as she turned to go upstairs, reaching out, touching her shoulder to get her attention.

"This is last minute," she said as the girl turned to look at her, " but Callie's sleeping over, so you have your roomy back for a night..She paused looking intently at the girl. "We're good right,"said Stef .

" Oh my god, of course."

Callie, looked at the younger girl who was smiling at her, wondering when it was that they had each started caring about the other.

Lena touched Callie's arm. She paused before speaking and then Callie caught a slight glimmer in Lena's eye,

"Do you have a toothbrush," she said a small smile on her face.

For a second Callie didn't understand. But then in a flash it came to her and she began recalling the start of it, the gamble they had both made and it struck her how lost and found and lost again she'd been over the past 5 months. It felt like a life time.

She grabbed Lena, and just hugged, not wanting to cry; mercifully she was able to steady herself.

She moved away from the woman, looked at her smugly

"No, How could I have a toothbrush?" she said, feeling almost as lost as that night, but no where near as empty.

Lena grinned at her. And reached to give her a hug. "It's nice to have you back, if only for the night."

She broke the hug, Callie saw Stef standing by, and gave her a hug.

Good grief, this was too much she thought, "I won't sleep a wink," and bounded up the stair

Joining Mariana at the top, the younger girl looked at her quizzically, "You know your toothbrush is still there? Right." Callie laughed under her breath, she turned to the girl and said "I'll tell you about it later," luxuriating in the fact that she at least had the night, and it just might sort itself out.

.

K


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy it. feedback via reviews or pm (even if there critical) is always encouraged.**

Callie felt content sitting in the room on her old bed, listening to the familiar sounds of doors opening and shutting, the sink turning on and off, and the children and the parents gently conversing. The regular Foster bed time ritual. The house was just as crowded as Girl's United, but there was no edge.

Marriana poked her head out the bathroom door, "i'm done Callie, quick or Jesus will get it." Callie got up and headed to the bathroom sink. Mariana held the door for her, and then sat down on the edge of the tub as Callie went to brush her teeth.

"So what was that with Lena," "What?," said Callie, not really wanting to go into it.

"You know, the toothbrush," said Mariana

Callie could feel herself blushing, She focused carefully on placing a small even line of toothpaste on her brush. "Did it look weird." she said after a bit.

Mariana shrugged "No...just, you both got all huggy."

Callie turned around to face her, "Uh." There was three sharp raps on the door. "Mariana will you get out now. Your not even suppose to use that door, right," Jesus said,

"Callie has a bruise on her elbow that i'm looking at, OK?" said Mariana shouting to be heard through the door. "You need to watch how you dance Jesus, she could have been really hurt,"

Callie looked at Mariana, who motioned with her hand to be quiet, and then said calmly with a small smug smile, "you were saying."

Callie shook her head, turned back to the mirror smiling to herself and started scrubbing her teeth with the brush. "I'll tell you about it when I'm done," she said through a mouthful of suds, continuing to brush and looking in the mirror. As she brushed she realized she was stalling for time.

Five minutes later, after Jude joined Jesus demanding equal time, Callie exited into the bedroom. She pulled back the covers of the bed and started to get in. The sheets smelled of Lavender and Vanilla. They were fresh and clean and she wondered when Lena or Stef had time to change them

It all seem so normal, as if she had never run away, or spent 10 hours in handcuffs on a bus as they transported her back to to San Diego, "as if "she thought ruefully.

"Well" said Mariana?" expectantly, "the toothbrush?"

Callie stared at the ceiling, not sure what to say, did Mariana even remember the the scary upside down feeling of the first night in any foster home.

She turned over and saw Mariana waiting, looking at her curiously.

She sighed.

"You remember, the night I got here?"

Marian snorted "You mean do I remember you calling moms dykes and wondering if they found Brandon at the 99 cents store. You sort of made an impression."

Callie looked back up at the ceiling."I was angry and frightened, " said Callie, mildly.

"I know I mean we were insulted, but." Mariana said.

Callie didn't say anything she just continued looking at the ceiling

"Look, I don't mean to pry," Mariana added after a while.

Callie continued looking at the ceiling , but she kept visualizing Mariana staring at her, lips pursed expectantly, she could hear the hurt in her voice.

"Well" she started and paused, "After that crack at dinner," she stopped again, remembering that first evening. "' Stef sort of read me the riot act and went over the rules of the house. You know not hitting people, going to school, curfew. Anyways it came out pretty harsh." The words brought up a sourness in her mouth.

"So Lena, afterwards, tried to reach out to me, make me feel welcome. You know 'do I want one or two pillows' that sort of stuff. The last straw was her asking me if I had a toothbrush and I just unloaded on her. I mean at the time it seemed like a crazy thing to ask." She paused, "Anyways not my greatest moment." she said trying to be lighthearted although it was mortifying to recall.

"Will you shut out the lights, Mariana," she said, hoping her voice wasn't too thick.

The girl leaned over her night table and clicked the lamp off,

"What did Lena do,"

Callie sighed, wishing the conversation was over. She wiped her eyes, hoping Mariana couldn't see the motion in the darkness, she waited a bit for some of the feeling to pass.

"Well, " she started again, her voice neutral ,"She took it in stride said she was on my side."

" That was it?"

"Yeah pretty much." She rolled over and stared at the wall and added "Good night."

.

There was silence in the room and she held her breath waiting to hear Mariana settle further into the bed, to let her alone with her thoughts.

"Then why are you crying?" Mariana said gently.

Callie shot up into a sitting position and she hissed angrily under her breath.

"You think its fun Mariana," Callie said bitterly. "I mean do you think it feels good talking about getting sent to Juvie and then coming out so turned around in your mind that the moment someone reaches out to you, you snap there head off, cause that what I did. I mean Lena of all people. I tried my best to stick a knife in and twist."

"Sort of like your doing now, "said Mariana dryly.

"Mariana," she said loudly, losing her temper and then clamping-up.

She shut her eyes tight and fell back on the bed, but then opened them alarmed by the sound of footsteps. The last thing she wanted was the mom's getting involved, but it was just Mariana hopping out of bed and walking over. The young girl plopped herself down next to her. Callie sat up and scrunched into the corner, so there feet wouldn't touch.

Mariana looked at her somberly, "That's not who you are."

"I mean that first night. Yeah you were someone we were helping out, someone who didn't really know how to act, but after that, well..." She paused looking at the girl, trying to catch her eye ,chewing her lip ,mulling her words.

Callie sat on the bed tense, feeling cornered. Her heart beating hard in her chest.

" You're a lot like Jesus." Mariana said frowning. Changing tack.

Callie, shut her eyes and softly groaned, she leaned back against the wall.

"I mean your so much braver than me and able to navigate people, and yet, I don't know, caring to a fault."

Callie watched her warily. Wishing she would just go back to her own bed. Mariana spoke again breaking into her thoughts

"Jesus would have totally done what you did, if some foster parent had attacked me or even another kid." She snorted, 'he'd probably wouldn't stop at a car."

"You would do the same for him." Callie said, crossly, arguing partly to just be disagreeable.

"Me?" said Mariana, she looked at Callie like she was crazy, " Confront a maniac who beats people?" She shook her head, . "I'd Just get Mom."

Callie laughed despite herself and shook her head, "Your a trip Mariana."

"Well really," she continued, smiling a little ,"It's logical. Maybe in ten years I'll be to handle something like that... but..." She paused shaking her head, "Not yet. I mean you going off on your own, I can't see myself handling that yet."

"Your not the only one," Callie mumbled under her breath.

"Well thanks," Mariana said gently, she laughed a little. "Lets not be too honest, huh?"

"I wasn't talking about you," said Callie. "Its overwhelming, job school."

"Well then why do it?"

"What else am I going to do Mariana?" She looked at her critically, not sure why the younger girl couldn't see her situation.

"Well ?" She paused. Looking at her carefully, "What do you want to do?"

"Come home?" Callie said weakly, she looked directly at Mariana.

Mariana paused, "Really."

Callie had to smile, Mariana could go from perceptive to completely clueless faster than just about anyone she knew

"Then why this whole thing, and what about Brandon, I'm confused."

" Oh Mariana, What's their to get." She put her hand out to the girl wanting her to understand. "I mean coming back now would just interrupt everyone's lives." She sighed. "Even my own... returning is a fantasy , right? I'm not... really cut out to be anyone's daughter". She snorted. " I 'm tough and kinda scary and independent, it won't fit will it. I mean this isn't make believe, and where everyone lives happily ever after right?"

Callie looked at Mariana who was giving her a doubtful almost sour look.

"It will be good," Callie said, reaching out to touch her leg, giving her a reassuring smile.

There was silence.

Mariana sat on the bed, her fingers working the hem of her gown. Callie watched her eyeing the line drawing on the wall. She wondered if they were finally done, if the girl was satisfied.

Marian took her eyes of the wall and said quietly, "Have you talked with mom and mama."

Callie looked at the younger girl kindly. " Stef and Lena can't solve every problem."

Adding, " Anyways what's there to say? The girl who wrecked your family. ruined your wedding, put you through hell cause you cared for her, wants to come back and do it again."

She looked at Mariana raised her eyebrows and gave her a sad smile.

Then added, "Oh and by the way your son better watch out or I'll accuse him of rape. Mariana, I am about the last thing this family needs. Or you for that matter."

Callie looked directly at Mariana, wondering why she had to spell these things out. These were things that Mariana really should understand. She considered shooing the the girl away, but Mariana just sat there on the bed, not showing any signs of budging, calmly looking at her. For a brief second Callie felt like a particularly challenging math problem Mariana was trying to solve

"You could say that, " Mariana started. She looked down at her hands, picking her words carefully. "I'm sure they already thought about it." She paused then added .

"But you could also say to them the person who held their kids together with her big heart and passion the night mom was shot still loves them and can't really live without them." She smiled wryly." Even if she can be a little cold, stand offish and angry from time to time."

Callie looked at her, Mariana's eyes in the darkened room were big black sad saucers,"

"Callie you and Jude complete the house."

She looked down at the floor, speaking quietly. "The night...," she stopped, her voice hitched and she began again. "The night mom was shot, You were one of the few things that kept me in the house."

Callie looked at her surprised. Mariana gave her a sour smile. " You know you're not the only one who ever thought of running away."

"But with you and Jude here, Jesus and I weren't aren't so alone or different."

Mariana stopped and looked at her, frowning, her eyes had a fire in them.

"I was so mad at you, when you left. I felt so betrayed. If you had shown up that first night I would have tried to claw out your eyes," said Mariana, "Then when we found out about Brandon, I mean I thought I had problems."

She shook her head, shrugged her shoulders and gave her a satisfied smile. "After we found out about that, things made a lot more sense, and I think, everyone understood . I decided it didn't matter whether you live here or not your still going to be my sister, you are still the person I could run to if my stuff got raggedy and I needed courage to face something. And besides we have Jude, right?"

Callie looked at her surprised, the support was unexpected.

She tried to say something but all she could manage was a joke... " So your holding him hostage?" She said, a small smile on her face.

Marian smiled with a self satisfied grin, "Yeah, I mean your not going to go real far away without him right."

Callie stilled and then turned to her very serious.

"So you still want me here, I mean really."

Mariana hugged the girl. "Oh my god yes."

Callie could see tears in Mariana's eyes.

"Is Jesus ok about it." Callie asked weakly, the word's barely audible. Mariana shook her head.

"Your so crazy...of course."

Mariana gave her one more hug and let go, "Oh my god I can't wait to see mom's face in the morning. This is sort of like Christmas eve." Mariana chortled and hopped off the bed.

Callie watched as the girl flounced across to her side of the room. In her belling night gown she looked a little like a Disney princess. "As if," Callie said to herself watching her cross the room, "As if."  
"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Frank sat in the tree, watching the house lights go out one by one. He could feel the star light brushing against his skin, the night air passed through him stirring light memories He felt the family fading further and further away. At the same time he still felt an urge to talk to them to not leave things as they were.

A picture of Mariana and Jesus came into his mind, how small and intimidated they were when he first met them. Jesus would puff himself out and act like the adult in the room Mariana would watch, and judge and wait. He wasn't surprised she was a good student. She was clever...even a little sneaky, well no he thought, that's not fair, she was hidden.

And then he was in the girls room, disconcerted by the rapid changes, but knowing that when he thought of someone hard enough he went to them. He saw Callie tossing and turning and Mariana curled up on herself, cat like, snoring gently, sweetly, strangely human. He tried to tap her on the shoulder, but that didn't really work, his hand actually went through her. Yet Mariana woke. She looked at him, he looked at her and smiled, "Hi Mariana," he said, glad to see her, giving her a toothy smile.

She sat up in bed with a start quick enough and loud enough to rouse Callie.

"Oh my god," she said, sharply panting through her mouth.

Frank fled the room, confused. He hadn't meant to frighten her, just say hello.

Callie turned over in bed and switched on her table light. Mariana she whispered loudly, you okay.

The girl sat in bed, breathing hard .she put her hand to her chest. "Oh my god, what a dream, it was so real. It was like Frank was actually in the room."

Callie felt goose bumps rise on her arm at the mention of his name. "Frank?" she said incredulousness coloring her voice.

"Yeah, you know mom's dead dad," Mariana said sharply,. Callie could hear the annoyance in her voice and went quiet as she tried to think of what to say

After a bit she looked at Mariana and said quietly and with a little too much intensity for her liking it came out almost as a hiss. "What was he wearing."

"What?' said Mariana, perplexed by the question. "How should I know," She scowled at Callie, confusion in her voice. "I see a ghost in a dream and you want to know what he is wearing?"

Callie breathed out quietly trying to control herself.  
"Yeah its a good way to talk about it," she improvised.

Mariana looked down at her bed covers frowning. "Well, I guess he was wearing what he always wore, You know, that saggy blue polo shirt, and those ugly plaid Bermuda shorts. Oh and sandals.".

Callie shut her eyes and hugged her knees, she could feel her heart beating.

" I uh dreamed about Frank tonight too," she said quietly.

They both looked at each other. Mariana started to say something, only to stop and get out of bed.

"Callie you want to come down stairs with me, I'm thirsty."

The girls walked down stairs, Callie following as Mariana led the way, her night gown belling out as she tipped toe down the stairs. It made Callie feel like a ten year old on a sleepover.

They got to the kitchen Callie looked around there was an open bag of pretzels on the counter, some had spilled on the floor. Mariana went to the fridge . "Yes," she said excitedly, pulling out a bottle of soda left over from the party. Callie came over by the open door. " She reached for a bowl of lobster dip, but stopped short of pulling it out.

"Mariana looked at her, rolling her eyes, "Don't forget the french bread too".

Callie nodded sheepishly and picked up the dip.

They went to the kitchen table ignoring the platter of chips, as well as a strange noodle casserole that was sitting in its middle

They ate quietly, Callie frowned, glancing around the room, a stack of dishes were piled by the sink and she could see dirty glasses scattered through the den.

"You know," wiping her hands on some paper towel after finishing off the remainder of the dip, " we should probably clean this stuff up so they don't have a lot to do in the morning."

Mariana looked around taking in the disorder. She sighed "Your right, anyways I have all this sugar in me, I doubt I'm going right back to bed.

Callie grunted put one of her feet in her lap and picked a piece of licorice of the sole. "Oh gross," Mariana said watching.

"Yeah, the floor is pretty dirty," observed Callie.

Callie got up and went to the broom closet, she pulled out a bucket and rooted around.

"What are you looking for," said Mariana, puzzled.

"A scrubby," said Callie grimly.

"You going to do the dishes, by hand? Just load up the dishwasher," Mariana said.

Callie looked at her like she was crazy.

"No, the floor. don' t be silly."

"Mariana looked her curiously "Just get a broom?"

"That just pushes stuff around," Callie said dismissively. She went to the sink, and started looking under it.

"What are you looking for?"

"Oh good here it is."

"What?"

Callie pulled out a bottle of Murphy's wood soap and sloshed a big splash into the bucket. She turned on the water full blast and when it got warm, started to fill the bucket.

"Don't just stand there Mariana move the chairs," Callie said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

Stef heard the noise first. She lay on her back in the dark and tried to categorize the sound. Lena woke soon after. They both listened to the noise downstairs while laying in the dark eyes open.

Stef looked at Lena her body rising and falling gently with each breath, her beauty took her breath away and she ran a hand down Lena's side just to feel her, to mark her presence. The noises continued, she quickly leaned over and kissed Lena.

"Let me go and see who's doing what, love." She whispered.

In the dark she she could make out Lena's contented smile. She continued looking until her lover rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

After getting out of bed, Stef saw that the girls room's door was open. She peaked her head and noticed with not a little satisfaction that both girls were AWOL from their beds. She was much more in the mood to deal with the results of mischief than the lonesome sadness of a teenage girl.

She padded quietly down the hall and started down the stairs.

"Callie, use a mop," she heard Mariana say sharply.

She stopped, on the top step, wanting to hear more.

"A mop," said Callie, indignantly.

You don't get a floor clean with just a mop, Mariana,"

"You got to scrub it."

Stef, sat down on the step, listening, intrigued.

"Well your not going to get me down on my knees."

Stef stifled a laugh and rested her chin on her hand and tried to envision Callie negotiating with Mariana on cleaning the floor. "Good luck with that Cal," she thought.

As she sat listening, memories of being a kid came back to her, how if she ever woke in the middle of the night it was always her father who would join her. He was the one who at 2 am would talk to her and comfort her, mom was practical, her dad was the dreamer the idealist. It was maybe howcome he loved the church. She could feel herself starting to doze on the steps.

Thinking about him felt good. It had actually been a nice day, she felt closer to him tonight than for many years. She thought about what the preacher had told her about how her father had tried to square the church doctrine and her own lifestyle..It made her feel both sad for him and loved at the same time.

"What am I going to do with these kids" she said to herself, shaking her head.

"Don't look at me," she heard him say. She didn't think she was dreaming and out of the corner of her eye a the base of the stairs she swore she saw him standing by the coat rack looking at her..

Her heart skipped a beat.

" I want to just drag that girl home by the hair."

She wiped at tears in her eyes, not sure whether she was crying for herself or Callie.

" Go with your gut, Stef, social workers don't know squat, you know that." She put her hand over mouth, it was as if her dad was in the room talking to her heart.

She herd chairs being moved out and what she imagined what was the sound of bristles scraping against the floor.

She shook her head at the sound trying to envision the girls scrubbing on their hands a knees, "where did Callie get that she wondered, her mind foggy with sleep

And then as surely as she was sitting in her house her father said,

" Maybe she's scared to ask. I mean its not like she's use to being wanted. You and Lena can be pretty intimidating."

"Intimidating! Stef snorted, Lena me?

"You intimidated the hell out of me," he blurted out.

She looked up her mouth open in astonishment.

"Maybe she's afraid to ask you. Maybe she's too worried by your rejection. Maybe she doesn't think she can risk it...She's battered Stef. She's a traumatized kid."

He stood there at the bottom of the stairs. " You know better than anyone how life is empty without love, look how long you waited for it. Don't make her wait that long stef. Tell her how you feel now..

"She know's how I feel." She could feel the bitterness of her words.

"He shook his head, "kids can't imagine what its like to be a parent, I mean they can't even imagine what it is like to be twenty, they have no reference."

She startled, feeling a body next to her and realized that Lena had come to join her on the steps. She looked back down the stairs. Her dad if he had ever been there had vanished, but a thought had been planted in her brain.


	6. The sisterhood of suds

**AN: Thank you for your interest, I am trying to work quicker. Hopefully this is enough to keep people interested. As always comments, reviews, and suggestion or requests are greatly encouraged.**

It was frustrating, after a hot 5 minutes of moving chairs, Mariana just stood around in the center of the kitchen filling the room with a steady stream of comments, complaints mostly. What a lot of nonsense Callie thought. Mariana just didn't want to get dirty or work too hard.

Callie, rolled her eyes at the noise and just tried to get on with it, kneeling on the floor, scrubbing away. Facing the walls as she scrubbed, her plan was to work her way backwards from the corner toward the center of the room.

"You will be here all night, you know." Mariana said. Callie straightened up and turned to face the girl. Mariana was perched on the kitchen table, her brown legs poking through her night gown, her bare feet waving as she just sat there ignoring the work that should be done.

"Nope." Callie corrected. "An hour."

She paused and looked around the room trying to judge the space."Max an hour and a half."

She tried not to sound to waspish, but Mariana was grating on her. She caught herself, and softened. Managing a smile. After all this was her thing not Mariana's, she reasoned.

"Go to bed Mariana, I got this." She paused. "Really." Friendly, the elder sister in her taking over, not all that different from talking to Jude.

She turned back around and as she knelt on the floor she picked up the scrubber, dipped it in the warm soapy water and then resumed scrubbing, not thinking about anything other than the foot of floor in front of her. Mentally she counted the strokes, back and forth, one; back and forth, two; stopping at 10 to dip the scrubber in the water and move on to the next bit of floor.

She worked hard at shutting the girl out of her head. The physical work itself was soothing, She knew it would get tiring, but if she kept focusing on the strokes,the time would fly. She had this.

Truth be told, at least a little bit of Mariana's stuff had gotten under her skin. Making her feel icky. Not any thing in particular. Certainly not the words, but the doubts kept growing, gnawing at her, opening doors she was learning how to keep closed.

Maybe they wouldn't appreciate it, maybe they think it was what...her trying to bribe them? Even if they did like it would it really help smooth everything over. "High i'm a complete mess but when i'm not screwing-up I clean floors." Did Stef really want the burden of a 5 hearts running around. Good Grief, wasn't four kids enough to keep track of.

Unsettled she scrubbed harder. Back and forth, back and forth, like she had been taught, or really taught herself. Which house was it she thought to herself, and told herself not to care, that it didn't matter. The good thing was she had learned how to clean. That was useful, most kid's didn't know how.

She paused for a second and looked at the floor, it was wood and she shouldn't scrub it too hard that mess up the finish, which wouldn't do. In a way tile floors were easier to work on; you could just scrub, but wood was softer on her knees warmer too. She shook her head, trying to empty it of the useless chatter.

Mariana she said, taking confidence from the results already clear to her eye. "This will be a piece of cake, really. And they'll be blown away, the wood soap gives it almost a polish, it will make it sort of glow." She talked as she scrubbed, not bothering to turn around, taking encouragement from her own words and the feeling growing inside, that it was going to be ok

She scrubbed a while and then shifted to reach further to her right. While she was moving she heard the girl stirring and she turned towards her again. "Grab a brush, it will go fast." She encouraged.

"

But Mariana just sat there looking at her with the same appraising look she had given her earlier upstairs. "Do you do this at GU?" she said, frowning, her eyebrows knit together in concentration and concern. "I thought you sort of liked the place...Rita was smart."

Callie shook her head,.She tried to imagine Gabby scrubbing a floor, "No" she said dismissively, "I mean we clean, but..."

Mariana looked at her wryly, "So why do this here,"

"Cause it needs it." Callie said, shrugging.

Mariana harrumphed.

Callie turned back to the corner. After one last scrub Callie, surveyed the area. It looked okay, and she wiggled backwards a couple of feet dragging the bucket with her, never getting off her knees. She started scrubbing the new space.

She heard Mariana hop off the table. She paused for a second, hoping the girl had decided to grab a brush and join her. But Mariana's feet sounded like they were heading off in the opposite direction. Callie started scrubbing again picking-up her rhythm.

Good night Mariana, she called, not bothering to turn, feeling a little rejected, the company had been nice. "Hey throw down a pair of sweats,I'm going to ruin your nighttee".

"Uhm Callie? Why don't you stop for a second, huh?"

The concern in Mariana's voice got Callie's attention.. She got up, smoothing down the gown which had hiked up her side.

She started to ask what it was but Mariana was turned away looking down the hall. Callie looked past the girl. In the dimmed hall light she could make out Stef and Lena.

She sighed, this wasn't part of the plan.

"Hi Stef, Lena." Callie smiled wanly, waving her hand that still held the scrubby.

Both women stepped from the darkened hall into the lit kitchen.

"Something spill?" Stef said, mildly?

"No." Callie said . She paused looking around.

"The floor, " she wondered how to tell them it was filthy without sounding critical, they had four kids and two jobs, there were things a lot more important than clean floors.

" There was a lot of stuff on the floor from the party," She added, thinking that she had said it right.

"A lot," added Mariana.

Callie smiled, Mariana couldn't clean worth a damn but she was always up to argue a point.

"We wanted to do something nice for you." Callie smiled softly trying to explain. "Clean your floor."

Somehow, looking at the chairs pushed away from the table and water splashed over the floor, it didn't seem as good an idea as she had imagined it in her head. Neither of the woman seemed over the moon about it.

Callie frowned.

"I guess we woke you, huh." She looked pensively at Stef.

"It is 3 o'clock in the morning."The older woman observed.

Mariana spoke " This will only take an hour max."

Lena glanced at Stef. There was a sparkle of amusement in her eye. Trust Mariana to be completely confident about something she knew nothing about.

"We should be done by four." Callie said earnestly, wanting to assure the woman. Hoping the women realized she was talking from experience.

"Yeah totally, done by four," Mariana echoed

Stef rubbed her eyes with her hand and looked at Lena.

"We've already started." Callie said, getting annoyed, it really didn't deserve this much explanation.

She looked at Stef the woman had a hint of a smile on her face and Callie started to feel like the woman was toying with her, putting her on the spot

"Is it really that wrong to try and do something nice for you."

She thought resentfully about how the older woman always insisted on controlling things.

Stef looked at the girl, her brow furrowed.

.

"You know Cal." Her tone was sharp, and Callie saw Lena glance at the woman.

Mariana, Callie, Lena said. " This can wait till the morning huh?"

Mariana biting her cheek, glanced at Callie, and then looked back at her mom.

.

"Lets go to bed Cal." She reached out to touch her shoulder, to shepherd her up the stairs.

Callie shrugged off the girl's arm, still holding the brush, in her hand . She wasn't ready to give up. Mariana could just quit, but this was important to her.

She looked at at Lena and then let her gaze rest directly on Stef. She took a deep breath, trying to remember all the discussions at Girl's united about how to disagree respectfully yet stand your ground, struggling to keep it all in her head.

" I know its late, and i'm sorry I woke you." She paused trying to figure what to say next. "And the floor needs scrubbing which is something I would like to do."

She smiled feeling satisfied that she had been able to make a request without screaming. Or smashing their car she thought ruefully.

Neither woman said anything.

Callie opened and closed her hands she could feel herself getting frustrated, not sure why they couldn't understand. She looked back at Lena, but her face was hard to read and when she faced Stef she could see anger clouding Stef's blue eyes,"

"I don't have a lot of time, here." Callie said, trying to communicate the urgency she felt.

"Callie and Stef stared at each other.

Mariana looked at Callie then back at her moms. She pointed toward the hall and said. "Think I'll go upstairs."

No one said anything as Mariana walked away. The women stood there Lena her arms crossed her tongue working her cheek as she looked at the younger girl. Stef standing next to her in sweats, her body language mimicking Lena's.

Callie looking back at them, determined to try and make them see that this was a good thing. That it was needed.

She saw something flash in Lena's face and heard her say softly, reflectively,

"Callie I think you're right."

"Lena." Stef said, surprise in her voice.

"This is crazy its 3 am."

"The floor is dirty." Lena finished her thought nodding agreement with Callie.

Callie wasn't sure what to do. She looked from woman to woman as they silently worked through their disagreement. The last thing she had wanted was drama, but she knew they would love the floor when it was done.

Finally Stef's body relaxed. She said gently, :"You know Cal, we have a mop. It would do, right love?" her voice gentle a little sad.

Lean quickly retorted, looking squarely at Callie, smiling.

"But you know what? Sometimes the only way to really clean something is to scrub it."

.

Callie felt herself grinning. Even though she felt a little like a little girl standing in Mariana's much to small night gown. At least Lena understood, got it. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Your going to be so happy when you see how good this floor looks," she bubbled.

She turned toward the bucket.

"So we're starting from the corner working in," said Lena," flexing her back getting herself ready to work."

Callie turned backed, not sure exactly what Lena meant. "We?" she asked chuckling taken aback. She looked at Lena. The women's silken pajamas looked like it cost more than most of Callie's wardrobe all together.

"I got this, thanks."

"I wouldn't feel good knowing your down here alone. Your only here one night. It's nice to do this but not alone." Lena smiled at her.

"Its Ok, Lena, really," "You'll ruin the pajamas. "Besides" she added a little darkly "You're looking at the world's best scrubber. I use to do this all the time."

Lena gave Stef a look that all but shouted out "I told you so." Steff looked to the side and shook her head slightly.

"You don't have to do this Callie. Not for us." Stef said, quietly, sadly.

Callie stood there not sure what to say.

"Are you punishing yourself?" Stef said, concerned. "It looks a little like that, sweetheart."

Lena frowned at Stef.

Callie felt herself struggling for words. She could sense the evening unraveling.

"No" she exclaimed. Surprised at the vehemence in her voice. "I'm... well ...yeah, I mean" she paused not sure what to say about the past. Other than it was the past and that she was trying her hardest to get past it.

A gravelly voice came from the dark end of the den.

" Oh Stef stop over thinking this the child, she just wants to help,"

"Mommmm" exclaimed Stef.

Lena putt her hand to her face and sighed rolling her eyes. Stef turned angrily toward the dark end of the dining room.

Sharon strolled through the kitchen toward the sink, reached for a glass in the drainer and turned on the tap.

"Cleaning!" She paused as she took a sip of water " Its like retail therapy, only not as expensive."

Sharon turned to Callie.

"Sweetheart, if she doesn't want you to scrub her floor, you can come do mine any time you want."

"Mom, this is not your..."

The woman wheeled sharply around.

"Of course its my business Stefanie. First like it or not I fell asleep on your couch and was woken by all this discussion about how to clean a simple floor, Second, your upsetting my grand daughter and third Lena's right the floor needs a scrubbing. No offense but your cleaning is haphazard."

"Got another scrubby there doll" Sharon pointed at the red brush in Callie's hand.

Callie looked at her wondering how something simple had gotten so complicated, my God she could have been almost done already with the time they had been standing around. She looked at Sharon, "Gram ma your wearing the funeral dress. It will get ruined."

Lena glanced at Stef as Callie spoke. Stef shrugged .

"What? You expect me to wash the floor too." she said, disbelief in her voice.

Steph gaze went from woman to woman.

She sighed resigned "I think i'll just watch, maybe make some popcorn." she added facetiously.

Sharon looked at Stef, then down at the dress. She rubbed her chin with her hand and looked back at Callie, who was standing by the bucket, and then back to Lena. She folded her arms and then leaned against the kitchen counter.

Her eyes came to rest on Calie, who smiled softly at her. Sharon frowned and sighed.

"I'll go join your mom. She looks like she needs a friend."

She walked over to Stef and took her hand, "Lets have a seat, you can spend some time with your old mom, right?"

Sharon grabbed a half empty bottle of chardonnay that was sitting on the counter and went with Stef to the couch.

"

"Well lets get going."

Callie looked at Lena, it wasn't going the way she thought, but maybe that was the point, that you put things out into the world and trust what will happen will be good "Okay."

"Okay," nodded Lena.

She got down on her knees, picked up a red scrubby out of the water and started scrubbing. Callie knelt on the other side of the bucket and went back to the area she was working on.

Lena turned to her smiled and waved her scrubby " To the sud sisters,"

Callie felt a blush that rose from a warmth in her stomach. "The sud sisters."


	7. East of Eden, West of the moon

**AN: Thank you for the close reading people have given this, i appreciate the thoughtful comments. Heck, i appreciate all the comments. I still plan on doing one or two more chapters. Sorry i write so slowly, thank you for reading and commenting. D**

It was suppose to be a gift Callie thought looking down frowning at her brush. Now it was completely ass backward. She looked toward Lena, the woman's head was hunched over the work her feet splayed out as she scrubbed. Callie sighed, she couldn't even begin to imagine what Lena was thinking.

She paused, gnawed at her lip. It was just sad, she thought, still watching the older woman , her body swaying as she scrubbed. Frustrating really, but what was she to do? Get mad at Lena, for what? Helping?

Anyways, she knew she could never work up any real anger at Lena, or Stef for that matter. Not after what happened the first few nights out of Juvie and the welcome the family, the whole family gave her. The memory of standing like she was on an auctioning block out side of Chula Vista would always crop up. Which ultimately, she reflected, was part of the problem. How can you live with people if you can't get mad at them.

.

Lena turned to her placing the scrubber in the water. She gave her a smile her eyes sparkling, "What are you looking at. I thought you had game?" Her voice was soft like honey

Callie blushed and looked down, she bit her lip. Really the only thing she wanted to do right now was hug the woman. Forget about the floor. The thing was if, Rebekah or Gaby teased her she felt demeaned pushed around. The same thing from Lena and it made her feel, included. Part of the gang. Covered in love.

"I'm truly horrible, she joked, just to hear Lena laugh and see another smile, Though she felt a bit shameful fishing for approval.

" Incorrigible maybe," Lena smiled at her and then shook her head "Never horrible." She paused and pointed the scrubber. " Times a wasting"

And like that, Callie could feel a smile being pulled out of the gloom of her body. Lena the magician pulling a rabbit from a hat. She found her self astonished for just about the umpteenth time by the way she simply rolled over for them, gladly abandoning even a pretense of autonomy, as if it were so much extra baggage. The mom's were an irresistible gravitational force.

She started humming as she took up scrubbing again.

Lena swished the brush around in the water and before taking it out looked at her "Do you hum when your happy or when your sad."

Callie stopped,

Flustered, flattered that she would notice. " Both I guess". She considered.

"And now ?" Said Lena,

Callie looked at her, thinking she should be strategic, thinking what she said over the next few hours could determine well, everything.

Yet she confessed the first thing that came to her mind. " I wanted to do this for you, a gift" She paused, hating that she sounded like a winer, and it dawned on her "but it so of cool of you to pitch in I don't know its … just... homey?"

Lena nodded, smiling, Callie could see a liquidy glow in the women's eyes.

.

She tried to thinking of something else, but her mind went blank. Lena kept on smiling at her. Callie felt herself smiling too, she blushed "What?"

Lena shrugged still smiling.

"C'mon what are you smiling at?" Said Callie almost begging

"Well you!" Lena said adding, "Your so sweet."

Callie looked at her surprised. "Sweet?" It wasn't a word she normally related to.

Yes this is sweet," said Lena. Adding after after a pause. "Different, but sweet."

She got up on one knee and rested her forearm on the raised knee. "You know, My Dad's mom," Lena said, "She use to clean floors this way. " Lena harrumphed at the memory, I walked in on her when she was half way through, Lena paused lifted her eyebrows for emphasis, "Once."

She turned away to start scrubbing again.

"Did you spend a lot of time with them," said Callie. Curious, wondering what Lena's grand parents were like.

Lena continued scrubbing, Callie glanced over to her, the woman had gone quiet, focusing on scrubbing. She gave the floor a final push and turned to her

" Not really."

Callie heard a tinge of bitterness in her voice.

"Dad was a little more .." She corrected her self. " A lot more open minded than his family."

Lena turned to Callie, her eyes were soft and sad.

" It was complicated," She sighed, "Dad's mom really liked his first wife, and you know and there was my brother, right." Lena gave the floor two hard scrubs and then turned back to Callie

"Partly Grandma, she just wanted wanted to protect dad, I mean he and mom were pretty much out there," She shook her head, "Even Palo Alto in the 80's. You know how it is. Nothing gets said, but..." She gave Callie a bitter smile. But then brightened " Mom was a rock and Dad was fearless. That's how I think about it."

They continued to scrub the floor. Callie dipped her brush in the water and looked at Lena.

Even doing something mundane scrubbing the floor at three in the morning the woman had a grace and elegance. Callie couldn't help but compare her and Stef to the other foster parents she had known. Shrill and angry adults, beat down and unhappy with both themselves and the people around them. Yet, for all their problems, unwilling or unable to make a change. She couldn't imagine ever talking with any of them like this. Sharing herself

This place was so different. It was thrilling and scary and It made every place else seem drab and unacceptable. The house didn't banish unhappiness, but it did make it seem like a waste of time.

"I think I was sort of prejudiced too." Callie said.

Lena turned to her, a puzzled look on her face. "How so?"

"I mean not about color or the lesbian thing, but there are other sorts of prejudice, right?"

She sighed and then looked straight at Lena.

"I mean cops, and school administrators with PHD's and spoiled kids who go to charter school." Callie shook her head, "Its not me. I mean I felt it was one huge 'what's wrong with this picture.' I didn't think it would last a quick minute." She laughed under her breath. "It was all so perfect."

" I felt like I was eve, in the bible, you know after she bites the apple, just waiting to be kicked out." It made her shiver just to think about how tentative she had felt.

"And still?" Lena cocked her head slightly smiling encouraging her to continue.

Callie looked at her, her heart in her throat. Trying to think before she opened her mouth. It seemed as if her heart had seized control of her tongue. She could only shrug and started scrubbing, feeling her cheeks red and a pressure building inside, to say something.

Lena kept scrubbing, she said after a bit, carefully, "Is that the way you think of us now... too perfect."

"No, "said Callie urgently, "No, I think your all just"...she smiled finally saying something the way she wanted too, "Perfect, but not too perfect."

She looked down trying to control her mouth, but it felt so good after all this time to say what she felt.

"Jude has it too. He worries maybe he isn't always as happy as he should be. I mean sadness can be a drag right," she paused "a burden." Life is hard enough you guys don't need it, right.

Lena looked at her eyes guarded her face non committal.

Callie searched for something tangible

"He told me about the food."

Lena sat back on her haunches and breathed out slowly

"I mean that was totally my fault, " Callie added alarmed at Lena's lack of reaction, not wanting to stick Jude in it. "I always coached Jude, be prepared," said Callie.

Callie bit her lip wishing she would stop bringing up problems.

Lena picked-up the brush without responding.

After a bit she said quietly

"Be prepared?"

"Well we never use to know, what would happen."

The kitchen was still, she heard the refrigerator switch on and looked up briefly and then back to Lena. Callie could feel her heart thumping quickly, she wondered for a brief second whether Lena could hear it too.

She Looked down at the floor, unsure of what to say next. Wondering if anything she said would mess things up for Jude.

She had stopped scrubbing, lost completely in her head.

She felt a hand on her shoulder.

Startled she turned around and looked up into Sharon's smiling face. The woman looked at her, Callie saw flashes of pride and love in the woman's eyes and it made her heart melt. "I'm heading off to the hotel and you look about done."

Callie got up to giver her a hug. "Thank you. Gran-ma " She whispered in the older woman's ear. Surprised that she was tearing up.

"You be good, you hear," the woman admonish.

"Give em hell at the girl school, right!" Holding Callie's face with both hands looking at her straight in the eye.

"No foolishness huh" She said sharply, pausing and softening her voice "You know what I' mean."

She sighed and started to walk toward the door. Before leaving the arc of the yellow kitchen light she turned and looked at Callie. "Isn't there something you want to tell your mom's?" She smiled and continued walking toward the door.

It had come to this, four am in the morning, wearing a night gown that wasn't hers, hands wrinkled from the warm soapy water. She smelled of both sweat and soap at the same time. The house mostly dark, she could feel the dawn coming but the world was still and hushed..

Lena had risen off her knees also, somehow looking immaculate in her green silky pajamas. Callie knew if she turned half a step she'd see Stef, her sky blue eyes watching. Her mouth drawn thin.

She tried pretending if they shot down her request, if they temporized or said anything but a 'yes of course move back tomorrow,' that the world wouldn't end. She wanted with all her heart to imagine that she could thrive and blossom anywhere. Certainly Jude would still love her, she reasoned. It would hurt sure but she'd get on with it. She could pretend. She was good at that.

She started to say something, but her voice sounded harsh and she glanced down and saw by her bucket there were clearly a couple of areas that still needed a bit of touch up. She started to squat, but felt a gentle grip on her arm. She turned instinctively toward the touch and there was Stef.

Her blond hair down, running over her shoulder in messy waves. There was an intensity in her eyes. "What Callie? what do you need to tell us?" Her lips curved into a smile, her eyes not harsh but beseeching.

Callie struggled for words, transfixed by the woman.

Stef 's smile took on an impish quality, it looked to Callie like her lips twitched a little.

" You know your both working so diligently scrubbing that you have me sort of worried."

She looked at Lena, "Are you having an affair babe? I mean flowers would be enough."

Lena looked at her not impressed. "Really Stef,"

She turned back to Callie serious but encouraging "Cmon sweets, What do you need to tell us." She paused as if she was listening to a voice , and raised her eyes in mock alarm, coaxing gently "What can you tell Gram-ma and not tell us. huh"

Stef paused and looked over Callie's head at Lena, "Gran-ma? " Making the word a full question just with her voice and inflection?

Callie said nothing. Not sure what to say, almost scared by Stef's insistence., the clowning making her nervous.

Stef put her arm around her shoulder and lightly wheeled Callie into her body.

Callie looked, at Stef her face barely inches from her, She laughed nervously unsure what to say, how to start.

"Huh" said Stef, rubbing Callie's cheek gently with the back of her hand. Smiling down at her.

Callie giggled nervously. And Looked down away.

"Callie," Lena called, leaning over to grab her around the shoulders from behind putting her head against her head.

"What is it that you need spend an hour scrubbing the floor to have the courage to tell us. Huh?"

Stef and Lena kept moved closer till the two older woman encircled her. Stef smelling of wine and Lena of soap and sleep. Lena's silky pajamas were warm and comforting to the touch.

But she still couldn't say it, couldn't get the words out of her mouth, she would look at stef and just too much was at stake. She turned wordlessly to Lena, knowing full well that this woman who would get up at 3 in the morning to scrub a floor with her of course wanted her here where she could watch her change and grow and become. But it just seemed a leap too far, an ask to big. She turned again to look at Stef. There were tears in the older ladies eyes, and she knew without even looking at Lena that she was crying too. And Stef pushed her hair back and held her face in her hands. She pressed her lips gently against her forehead. Callie realized she was sobbing."Hush," she said softly.

"Of course we want you back, I should be mad at your for doubting it." She pulled the girl strongly too her, Callie could feel Lena arms on her shoulders as well "We'll call Rita in the morning."

She heard Lena coo. "You'll see, You'll see, it will all work out fine."

Callie hung on to Stef not sure if her legs could support her. Breathing hard, "Its OK?" She said still dubious. Not exactly sure what had happened.

"Its better than OK." Stef said.

"Your not concerned?"

Stef pulled away, She sighed. And straightened and looked at her nodding her head, as if she understood something for the first time.

"Here Callie," She pulled her gently forward by the elbow. " Come, come," she said softly.

Gently she pushed her, escorting Callie by the arm out of the kitchen. In the hall , she turned her to the mirror in the hall stand.

"Look Callie What do you see?"


	8. Evening and Morning, so soon ( part 1)

**AN: Thanks again for reading, comments are always welcome. This section is really part one, the second part will be along quite soon (really!). Its's nice that the show has picked-up a bit.**

Callie looked at the mirror but her minded darted off in a completely different direction.

She looked at Steff, frowning. "Did I ever tell you how it ended at the Olmstead's? Why Bill pulled us." She spoke quietly, rueful.

Stef shook her head. If the question surprised her it didn't show. "No, love, please... Tell us." She had her arm draped around Callie, and she gave her shoulder a light squeeze.

Callie could feel Lena next to her, their bodies touching. The closeness was reassuring.

The next morning...at breakfast.". Callie looked down at her hands. It cost a bit to say the next words. "After the rape." But she did and then leaned back against Lena feeling the woman. Lena wrapped her arms around Callie's waist.

" Liam was so kind," her voice dripped with sarcasm and anger. " Solicitous, 'do you want the syrup, Cal? Here let me get the orange juice." She mimicked.

Lena's arms tighten reflexively. Callie glanced at her, and rubbed her hand over Lena's.

She looked at Stef apologetically. " I blew up." She shrugged her shoulders. She said rapidly, biting off her words " Told him to shove it up his ass." She laughed nervously. "I actually said that."

She swallowed and looked at Stef, who nodded knowingly. Encouraging her to continue.

"There was like an audible gasp in the room, and I sort of knew, you know,... had this feeling,that I had crossed a bridge. That I was forcing them to choose a side." She swallowed and cleared her throat. "Did they really want to be my parents, it seemed important."

Lena breathed out, sensing where the story was headed, mouthing, under her breath "I'm so sorry."

"Jude, " she paused trying not to cry as she thought about him sitting there at the table that morning. "Jude looked at me, that was one of the worst parts his eyes they were so wide, confused."

She sighed. "I mean he'd seen me mad but not like this. He had no idea what was going on. Why I was wild. I guess he realized it was bad." She turned looking to Stef.

"You didn't have a choice love," Stef said still holding her.

"He was so frightened," she shook her head regretful.

She gave Stef a sad smile and then squeezed her arm, "I probably would have thrown the orange juice in Liam's face, if he had actually given it to me." She laughed a little under her breath.

She turned to the mirror giving herself a mock smile." Well everyone was shocked, the meek quiet foster girl, who was always nice and helpful and."

She stopped, to sniffle back tears. And Lena and Stef stood with her silently, letting her take her own time to find her own words.

"Well they said to 'go to my room, take some time to myself'. That's what you do when a normal kid can't control herself. I mean you would do that too, right?"

"So I went." She shrugged. And looked in the mirror at the two women. They were still there, standing Stef by her side, she looked so tired Callie thought, there were dark rings under her eyes. She glanced at Lena, whose lips were drawn tightly, pursed as if tasting something bitter.

In the silence, Callie for a moment forgot why she even began the story. The older women waited, giving her time. . One beat, two beats, until Stef gently prodded her forward, knowing she needed to finish the story, reassuring the young girl they were listening. "You went to your room, Love."

" Yeah I did," Callie agreed "I was lucky to have one, right? My own room." she added bitterly

"I looked in the mirror," she shook her head. " What I saw was this kid who was so damaged she couldn't even tell the difference between love and a candy bar. Me."

Stef made a light gasp of surprise, almost like she had been punched in the stomach. "Oh honey!"

Callie continued, nodded her head. "I realized that I was this clueless silly foster girl, all puffed up that an older boy, a big guy, liked me" She emphasized the word big. And then spat out, "I thought I was so special."

She shook her head in disgust.

"And I took that hair brush." She paused and looked directly at Stef, " I smashed it into mirror." She turned to Lena. "I kept hammering and screaming and hammering."

"It was like an out of body experience. I remembering watching myself as I smashed the mirror. Like I was watching somebody else, some stranger, in a body that looked like me."

"They came up stairs. And I looked at the mother, and you know I turned to her, and reached out. I just wanted a hug, just a hug, but she wouldn't, she couldn't even touch me." Callie turned to Lena and raised her eye brows saying softly, " But she knew," Callie shook her head softly repeating to herself "she knew."

She sniffled once and wiped her eye.

"That what I see Stef," She said flatly, looking directly at Stef, challenging the older woman to contradict her.

Stef, nodded watching her. Still holding her close. Not saying anything. Callie continued, her voice rising in anger.

" I see the fails. Really that's just one."

" I see me being mean to my mom the night she left. Or my dad after a couple of beers wanting to hug me and I would just turn away in disgust."

She paused and looked from one woman to the other.

" I'm sorry. You don't need to hear these things. Its not your fault." She looked down at her feet, examining the waves in the slate tile.

"I guess you've seen this stuff before, right?" She looked upglumly at Stef, taking consolation, that perhaps she had run into other kids like her during work.

She pivoted almost a full 180 degrees to look at Lena standing just behind her. Not sure what she expected to find in the woman's face. Hoping it wasn't disgust, or rejection. She wondered why they would want to take this on. They had their own problems.

Callie felt Stef's hands on her shoulder slowly moving her, turning her so she was looking right into the older woman's face.

"Love," Stef called.

And it hit Callie. She realized, that for Stef, the word wasn't just a casual pet name. To Stef, it was a verb, a type of promise. Something they intended to give. Stef placed her hands under her chin and tilted the girl's face up so they were looking eye to eye.

"Look at me," Her voice kind but so earnest it verged on stern . " What happened," she paused, "was wrong. OK. None of it was your fault." Indignation burned deep in the word's "You didn't bring it on yourself. They treated you horribly. All of them." She paused to think. "It was criminal. Every one of them, OK."

Callie stared back , knowing in her head Stef was right, but still feeling she brought havoc with her.

" You may have had your own room, but you weren't safe. " Added Lena, frowning.

She rubbed the side of her head with her hand, like she was trying to massage away a pain, or plan out how to explain a hard concept to a student. "It's what abusers do, they make you think its your fault. That you invited it. That what you got was what you deserved. But really they were taking advantage of their power. You may have had a woman's body, but you were still mostly a child."

Stef hugged her hard and tight, her arms folding around her shoulders. Callie draped her arms around stef's neck and buried her face in her shoulders. Stef stared forlornly at Lena as she held the girl.

They stood like that, together all three, each in their own way supporting the other. Callie breathed in their closeness.

"it all just seems so fragile." She mumbled into the woman's shoulder

In the distance a two stroke motorcycle engine whined as the biker picked-up speed. It was incongruous, the noise, in the quiet of the house. Yet even enfolded in their arms she envied the motorcyclist riding fast, accelerating through the night. Racing away from everything. She wondered how she could ever fit her own reckless turbulent past into the calm house. She feared what would become of the rage that boiled just out of sight under her skin.

Stef brought herself up, breaking the hug and grasping Callie at the elbows. Looking at her, feeling and understanding the desperation and confusion. It reminded her how lost and unsure of herself she felt, when she realized ther marriage to Mike was a sham, before she met Lena.

"Callie please. Just..." Stef struggled, for the right words that would reach her. "Just here, love look. Try looking at me."


	9. Evening and Morning, So Soon (part 2)

**AN: a continuation of the last chapter. Thanks for your inerest and readership. When I started this i had a final chapter outlined between Stef and Lena that is mostly about Stef and her dad. This seems a pretty good end as it is.**

 **BTW This may also get re purposed as part of a missing scene from the episode (1.16 :Us against the world), hope no one minds.**

Callie shut her eyes. She didn't need to look at Stef to describe her. "Its hard not to see you as some one i've hurt."

Stef looked at her speechless for a second.

Callie continued "The lying, running. I mean do you really love that ,want it in your house. Aren't you angry?"

" At some point the love run's out? Right?"

Callie eyed the door, She could feel her pulse racing, and every fiber in her body twitching.

Stef, looked at her, slowly shaking her head.

"No, not for our children, Love doesn't run out, not in this house, not for you or for any of our children.

Callie looked at Lena and then to Stef, searching their faces. On one level it made sense, clearly what was going on here wasn't hate or anger. Hate wasn't three women talking quietly about their feelings at 4 in the morning. Yet it was hard to accept, to get comfortable with.

Lena put one arm around stef's waist and reached with the other to hold Callie's hand.

She looked at the girl sadly, it was hurtful that Callie would think that, but she knew it was the question any child who had lived without a parent's love for a time, needed to ask.

"A child owns her mother's love Callie, its not rented. Its not conditional. That's sort of the definition."

Lena looked at Stef, then continued

"We're concerned." she shrugged her shoulders and sighed, "but not in the way you think." She shook her head from side to side. "It's not about being disappointed or rejected. We're concerned for you, that your not going to get what you need. That we are not good enough. Callie, dear." She took her hand gently, "Sweetheart sometimes you try to carry every mistake you ever made with you. But that is part of growing up, figuring out what to let go of and what to keep."

She smiled sadly and reflected. "You know, we're concerned for every kid in this house. We look at you and all our babies, and we desperately wish the world was a kinder place."

"Some nights I just lie there in bed my head going in circles. It could be about Brandon, taking his talent for granted, not the gift it is, or expecting that everything should come easy just like music. I worry that Mariana feels that everything she wants she needs to fight tooth and nail to get. And we worry how many friendships shell ruin trying to be right."

Callie smiled seeing the truth in the description.

"Jesus scares the hell at of us, he seems to think he can sail through life with just a smile to his name. " Lena added. " We're not blind Callie, we see how sensitive and perceptive Jude is, we know its a precious treasure that needs to cared for. But kids' like Jude who have always had love are resilient,"

"Unlike me, said Callie sadly."

"Oh no, hon,no. Your mom gave you what you needed and when you needed more, you and Jude fed each other." She smiled a gave her a wink. "You have more bounce than, a super ball."

"So you don't need to scrub our floor." Stef said, looking at her squarely

"There is no reason to get on your knees at the first occasion and scrub a floor.".

Callie looked at Stef. She was right, of course, but also, it had been a simple gift. It gnawed at her that they couldn't accept it, that part of her. The one that wasn't a prim charter school kid. "

She gave a good hard look in the mirror . Staring back at her was this disheveled, ragged girl with rings under her eyes and a frowning mouth. Wearing the stupid night gown, she could be a modern Cinderella. I do floors, so what she thought. It was her right, hadn't she lived through enough evil step mom's and sisters. Maybe Brandon was her prince, He had come and found her. This story was as good as any.

She shook her head alarmed at the muddle in head.

".

Stef squeezed her shoulder. "You look and sometimes act the part Callie ,but your not Cinderella."

Callie turn to her startled, wondering how Stef could just read her thoughts, why after just four or five months, the older woman saw her so clearly, was she that transparent.

"Yeah really," Stef continued amused at Callie's surprise. "You don't need that anymore, you have to figure something else out."

She look again into the mirror, this time at Lena standing flat footed in her pajamas. The cuffs were wet and her hair was askew. She turned to Stef. She had bags under her eyes and her breath had the faint vinegary smell of old wine and she was wearing baggy sweats with the cinch strings tied in a big sloppy bow at her waist. Was she going to hitch her life to these people? They weren't evil step moms, or fairy god mothers for that matter. They were all too human. Simply moms, really, as if that wasn't more than enough.

"Dig a little bit. Cal," Lena cajoled her, bringing Callie out of her reverie "Cinderella is too easy . And it sells you and us short."

"So I'm welcome back but not as Cinderella." Something in it struck her as funny. That these would be their conditions.

"Yeah she's out-a-here." Stef said.

"Its been done," added Lena.

Callie nodded her head .

She looked to the door, The dark night had started to pale around the edges. A couple of doors down a dog barked, wanting to be let out.. She reached for the handle and then looked back at Stef. "Can we go out side? Please come.

She stepped out onto the porch, there was a robin on the ground searching, hopping a few steps then pecking, testing and retesting the earth for worms. It was cooler than she expected and she felt goose bumps on her skin, she could smell the sea, even though they were a full half mile from the beach. In the changing light the shrubbery next to the porch slowly gained detail, like a Cheshire cat arriving.

She felt Stef come up by her side. Lena rubbed the girls shoulder and moved off to the bench swing. She picked up a blanket lying there, tucked her feet under herself and laid the blanket on her lap.

Coolness ticked Callie nosed and she sneezed.

"God Bless you," said Stef. Callie smiled, "Thanks."

"When I left I never thought I'd come back and see this again." She said.

"I thought I left that person behind forever, it was sort of exciting, you know, getting to be someone different."

"Stef nodded. "Its the great thing about moving, really can be freeing."

"Except you always wind- up catching up with yourself." said Lena.

Callie looked at Lena quizzically trying to understand what she was getting at.

She smiled. "You bring your issues with you. They get buried for a bit as you struggle to establish yourself, but they usually come back. Your personal work never really ends, Callie"

Callie nodded. It made as much sense as anything. She looked out at the street. Though the dawn was advancing the ground was still too dark to show much color..

Well if I'm not Cinderella, who am I said Callie, eyeing them curiously, a bit of mischief flashing in her eyes.

Stef smiled at her..

Callie shook her head, I'm not kidding, Stef.

"I know your not hon, but you just threw me a big big softball. Callie this is your chance to do something amazing, write your own playbook. We're praying that you take it"

Callie nodded thinking the words over "My own playbook huh?"

"Yeah parents provide the pen and a blank piece of paper, but it is your story."

"And if I want to be Cinderella?" She challenged.

"Why would you?" Stef shot back immediately, feeling as if she had landed on solid ground after being adrift all night.

Callie blew a big breath out and shrugged her shoulder .

"Easy. It sort of who I am."

"That ends with us as evil step mom's," Lena retorted, " So no! Find another." She was smiling, Relaxed, enjoying herself, one foot alternately dangling off the bench, and then finding the ground to slowly rock the swing..

Callie smiled, came over to the bench and sat down next to Lena. The woman opened the blanket and Callie scrunched under leaning her head against the woman's shoulder.

"No I guess your not evil step moms," she said.

"I will quote you?" said Stef.

Callie smiled.

She looked out as the dark faded into morning. She could see further down the street. What had been gloomy flat silhouettes took on detail and color. She wondered if she would ever get tired of the view, ever want to leave again.

"Its going to be a nice day,"she said helping Lena gently rock the swing. ".

Lena yawned, stretched her arms. "Day? Please child I'm ready for bed. We're not all fifteen."

She smiled at her slyly. " Maybe I'll try sleeping beauty!"

"That will work for now. "Said Lena, reaching out to put her arm around her shoulder.

Stef leaned against the Bannister eyeing the two as they rocked in the swing. She shook her head dismissively. "Oh cmon, A Disney character? What about...Rosey the Riveter, or Madam Curie, powerful women."

" Lena looked down at Callie's head resting on her shoulder. She turned to Stef and lifted one eye brow, giving her an imperious, brook no dissent look. A look she had learned from her mother and later perfected as a high school vice principal. " Really Stef, its her story, not yours."

She spoke so sharply that Callie turned to look at her. "We're just advisers here," she explained to Callie who sensed a ghost of a smile lurking in Lena's eyes.

Lena bent her head and whispered conspiratorially, her lips close enough to brush against Callie's ear. "You do know the story of Rosa Parks, right?"

Callie grinned, tickled by Lena's words and breath. She nodded assent, "Its quite a story, standing up for yourself by simply by sitting down."


End file.
